White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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