I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
