it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
