My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
