Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
