This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
