Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
