Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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