Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize