I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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