Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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