dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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