The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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