grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
