i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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