I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize