That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
