Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
