so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
