I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
