after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
