i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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