Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
