I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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