I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
