there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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