I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
