I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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