i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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