I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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