I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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