I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this just has baby written all over it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
