so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sarcasm needs its own font
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
