So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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