it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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