words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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