my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am one with the molecules
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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