new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
