oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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