I wish my penis had an off switch
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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