My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
