i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
