Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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