According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
