You're my little dorito
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
