pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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