hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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