i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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