I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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