positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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