Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
