We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I want to be your penis for a week.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
