dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize