Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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