I will die if light touches me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
