well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
