In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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