So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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