You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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