I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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