WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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