Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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