do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
