I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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