Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
