If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Randomize
