We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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