sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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