How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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