im six kinds of drunk right now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
