Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
