Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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