I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
