He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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