Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
