Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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