my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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