Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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