she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When are your genitals available?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
