Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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