What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So apparently I’m into choking now
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